Being depressed is having ‘your strength spend with grief’. Keeping silent, not wanting anyone to talk to you or give you comfort. The deep guilt keeping you lonely, such a loneliness that is so dark, that you feel insecure and far away from the truth. And I could feel – no relief. Standing still in time, my soul was so troubled, not knowing where to go. Running after a made up thought, thinking it was right and good, but not finding relief. You only want to step out of it, hide and be done with it, but you can’t. Not without help… The help you don’t think you need.

All this takes time, it’s a growing progress, like willingly learning how to walk again. It’s tiny steps that bring you closer to the truth again, to have reality sink in. My sins are not hidden, maybe to this world, but not for God; that is reality. Reality is living, being born and one day die again. But the unknown is what we want to know, but not necessary have to. There is no life on earth if you know the unknown, that’s why we live in sin. ‘My sins are not hidden from Thee.’ So you have choices to make, step out of it; ‘confessing your transgressions’ or stay in that dark place and keep your ‘guilty silence’ with a full grieving soul.

But when ‘I confess, then Thou forgavest me.’ Forgiveness, a grace so full of love we don’t deserve. So how powerful is it, when it’s granted to us time and time again. Only God is the One who is capable, and oh – how much a relief on our troubled souls that is!

 

While I kept guilty silence,

my strength was spent with grief,

Thy hand was heavy on me,

my soul found no relief;

but when I owned my trespress,

my sin hid not from Thee,

when I confessed transgression,

then Thou forgavest me

(Psalm 32:3-6 & Psalter 55:2)